.. I give you the highly cathartic "Marathon" by Simon Rich. I read this last week while in DC and it made me feel better about not running the Marine Corps Marathon this morning.
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Marathon
by Simon Rich, Free-Range Chickens
In 490 BC, a Greek messenger named Pheidippides ran twenty-six miles, from Marathon to Athens, to bring the senate news of a battle. He died from exhaustion, but his memory lives on thanks to the "marathon," a twenty-six-mile footrace named in his honor. I thought it would be neat to bring Pheidippides to a modern-day marathon and talk to him about his awesome legacy.
ME: So, Pheidippides: What was it like to run the first "marathon"?
PHEIDIPPIDES: It was the worst experience of my life.
ME: How did it come about?
PHEIDIPPIDES: My general gave the order. I begged him, "Please, don't make me do this." But he hardened his heart and told me, "You must." And so I ran the distance, and it caused my death.
ME: How did you feel when you finally reached your destination?
PHEIDIPPIDES: I was already on the brink of deathwhen I entered the senate hall. I could actually feel my life slipping away. So I recited my simple message, and then, with my final breath, I prayed to the gods that no human being, be he Greek or Persian, would ever again have to experience so horrible an ordeal.
ME: Hey, here come the runners! Wooooh!
PHEIDIPPIDES: Who ae these people? Where are they going?
ME: From one end of New York to the other. It's a twenty-six-mile distance. Sound familiar?
PHEIDIPPIDES: What message do they carry... and to whom?
ME: Oh, they're not messengers.
PHEIDIPPIDES: But then.. who has forced them to do this?
ME: No one. It's like, you know, a way of testing yourself.
PHEIDIPPIDES: But surely, a general or a king has said to them, "You must do this. Do this or you will be killed."
ME: No, they just signed up. Hey, look at that old guy with the beard! Pretty inspiring, huh? Still shuffling around after all these years.
PHEIDIPPIDES: We must rescue that man. We must save his life.
ME: Oh, he knows what he's doing. He probably runs this thing every year.
PHEIDIPPIDES: Is he... under a curse?
ME: No.
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3 comments:
Well if I'd have known THAT before my marathon, I would have thought twice!!! Then probably still done it!
This will be my reason for not ever running a marathon. Thanks for sharing.
Hahaha! Awesome....
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